I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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