ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
