I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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