They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
