i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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