My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?