A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo