o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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