I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
