Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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