I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize