I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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