i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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