everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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