sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
