I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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