I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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