Cold hands, warm shart.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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