one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
