Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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