I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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