well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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