I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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