he thought i was a dude.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
