I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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