We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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