You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
