martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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