a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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