I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
