and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
