I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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