They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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