two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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