hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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