Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
