you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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