Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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