I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
