I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
