dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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