the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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