some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
