we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
