shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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