I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
