Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
