how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
