Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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