Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
