if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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