Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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