6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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