I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
