i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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