yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
