You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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