Tell her she can't have a vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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