mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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