morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
