This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
