soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
