If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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