That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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